it's been awhile- but because of the overload of work and the constant procrastinating- i am able to update now.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
- Albert Camus (also attributed to Maimonidies). Sent by clovers

i love my little ramblings with cel, i needn't censor myself because she's use to my vulgarities and understanding half of my life ( the other half is because she is part of that life). and sometimes i feel that i don't appreciate her fully. and that works with my other friends. i'm so caught up with my projects that occasionally i forget the 'how are you?' despite always wanting to keep in contact with the people who had brightened up my day one way or another. my mum often tells me i have a precious/talented/intelligent group of friends and she's always awed by them, i don't blame her, i'm often awed myself even though i know them better than her. she said that's why she treats them as equal and don't look down upon them just because they're younger than her a decade or so and actually respects them. -and this is why i think my mum can occasionally be very cool.

there are times when i think to myself 'what did i do to deserve this?' and wonder 'what role do i play in their lives?' i figured this doesn't matter, but when they need me to be part of my lives i'm just there. we wonder what friendship is about and often question ourselves whether we're good enough friends. i supposed when we have that balance we all are.

backstabbing, betrayal etc. have made us eluded that out there, somewhere, there are people who can be friends.

"sometimes, trying not to wish too much is when you find everything in one."